#LoveMe Challenge | Day 12

Hello, lovelies!

Thanks for letting me just gush about my dog yesterday; she was actually sitting next to me while I was writing up that post. Today's post is a little more serious, but I hope you'll read on anyway.

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Share A Flaw

I'm what I like to call a naive realist, or someone whose head is in the ground, but their feet are firmly planted on the ground.

On the one hand, I want to believe everything is good and wonderful and lovely, and on the other, I look at everything as it is---without the rose-colored glasses. But sometimes I'm far too realistic and I forget to be more optimistic. I can have a tendency to be incredibly cynical and expect the worst of people, because I've been hurt before.

Lizzy Bennet reminds me a lot of myself: quick to judge and sometimes too certain in my opinion after that. I live in a way of self-preservation sometimes, mentally walking myself through all of the possible ways that I could get hurt and then taking action to never let that happen. It makes me very unable to trust people fully, because I'm always worrying about the "what-ifs." Even if someone is the nicest person in the world, I always squint a little bit and wonder what horrible darkness they're hiding because there's no way in my mind for someone to be that nice without having some kind of deal-breaker. The problem with this is that I never give people a full chance. Instead of going into things with an open mind, it's like I'm telling people to prove me wrong and change my opinion of them. And that's not fair to anyone.

Another thing I don't think I do well is deal with my emotions. I either wear my heart on my sleeve, or I stuff all my feelings down and bottle them up until I can't take it anymore. Sometimes I wonder why people don't understand how I'm feeling, and usually that's because I'm hiding everything under a blank stare. On the other hand, I sometimes spew my emotions everywhere, and that often shocks people because I tend not to express myself in extremely loud or extreme ways. I usually operate on a visual emotional level of around 1-5, but when I go above that to the 6-10 range, people tend to stare at me a little bit, regardless of whether it's excitement or anger or sadness.

I always get a bit squeamish when it comes to my flaws, because they're just so apparent in my day to day life, at least to me. But addressing them here is definitely something I think will help me to turn them around for the better.

That is all.


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