#LoveMe Challenge | Day 10
Today's prompt was a hard one, so I won't waste any time with a little intro and just let you read on. (:
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Share A Secret
|(Yes, that's a Pretty Little Liars gif. I'm addicted to that show.)|
They can bring us together, and they can tear us apart.
This blog is a secret from my real life, and only a few of my closest friends even know it exists. But that's not the secret I want to talk about.
I've gone over my battle with anxiety over these past few years, but I never really got into exactly all the ins and outs of it recently. Anxiety is something that's very different from person to person, and the symptoms of it aren't always obvious since a lot of anxious people have found ways to hide it, or any physical signs can seem to link to something else.
When I have a panic attack, it's usually because of feeling overwhelmed or because I feel completely out of control. And when I feel out of control, I take action immediately to try and calm the craziness that I feel like I'm trapped in. I have never been one to self-harm myself through cutting, and I don't ever plan to.
But I've hurt myself in other ways.
I'm a very small person, but I still do have parts of my body I'm insecure about. A few summers ago, I became very self-conscious about my stomach, and I became extremely anxious about the thought of being at the beach in a bathing suit. So I starved myself. It wasn't so extreme that anyone in my life noticed, but I became very lethargic and my energy levels were completely drained because my body was not getting the nutrition it needed. To be clear: I was not anorexic or bulimic, but I was obsessed with trying to have something in my control again.
I'm at a much better place now, mentally and physically, which is one of the reasons I'm okay with sharing this. Starving myself was something that really didn't last long, because I snapped out of it after a few weeks once I realized what I was doing. I'm so lucky to have people who love and support me, but even people who have nothing but light around them can fall into darkness sometimes. I'm not proud of that phase in my life, and I probably wouldn't have let it come out in the open without this month of blogging that I'm doing.
If you're struggling at all in any way, please feel free to send me an email, leave a comment, or even DM me on any of my social media accounts (personal or blogger). I don't ever want you to feel like the only way to feel better or be in control in a way that's going to hurt you, even for a second. Please talk to someone, whether that's me or someone else. (:
That is all.
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